Monday, July 30, 2012

Prepare Ahead for Loved One's Passing

Over the weekend, I had the unfortunate experience of driving my grandparents to their hometown to the funeral of a family member they had been close with when they were growing up. I did not know much about the woman who passed, but I did walk away from the experience with a few ideas that I think could help me down the road.

The coincidence of my post from this past Saturday, How to Show Loved One's You Care, was written before I knew I would be taking my grandparents to a funeral. I had casually mentioned that many people my age are starting to or have already lost their grandparents, and in some cases their parents. I figure the timing is right for this post.

One aspect of the funeral from the weekend was sharing a few funny stories about the woman who had passed. It allowed everyone who didn't know her well to get an idea of her life, and it reminded those who were close with her to remember the great times they had with her.

Grieve not, nor speak of me with tears, but laugh and talk of me as if I were beside you there. - Isla Paschal Richardson

After hearing a few of these stories, I started thinking about what stories best summed up each grandparent to me. I had the fortunate ability to be sitting next to two of them at the time, but I can only imagine trying to come up with these great stories in the midst of the grief of losing them.

One way I am going to plan ahead, and take time to think about them in the present, is to write down some of my favorite stories and moments. Another great idea is to have favorite bible verses, poems, songs, or other meaningful things about the person.

To some people, this is a very sensitive subject and difficult to do when you are thinking about someone who is still alive dieing. Try to think of it this way....if you compile these things now you are getting to know the person better as they live not just planing for their death. Many people participate in emergency preparations for power outages, storms, disasters, and other situations that may or may not happen soon. I think of this as a different type of emergency preparation. To someone grieving, it is an emergency, and thinking clearly isn't usually possible.


To live in the hearts we leave behind is not to die. -Thomas Campbell



2 comments:

  1. I was amused to read "How to tell my husband what I want for my birthday". After being married for almost 24 years, I have learned many things. I have learned that this is a male thing. My husband also, never had a clue what to get for my birthday. I would try and give him clues, hoping not to be to obvious. I have always loved jewelry. Being newly married and not having much money, I new diamonds and precious stones were out of the question. When we went shopping I would point out earrings, necklaces or small rings that I liked, small being the key word. I never liked big gaudy costume jewelry. My sweet husband on the other hand thought big had to be better. Yes, there were many times I was disappointed with his choice. Not wanting to hurt his feelings, I "oohed
    and "aawed" over what he gave me. I told myself at least he took the effort to go and pick out something for me. What made it less disappointing was the look in his eyes that said, "I picked this out especially for
    you, because I love you". I never had someone do that for me. Still, after many years of marriage, he often doesn't have a clue what I really want for my birthday. But the best gifts that he gave me were the many, many times in our marriage that he was there for me when I needed him. He never told me he was too busy, or too tired. He listened to me go on and on if I had a bad day at work, or the kids were driving me crazy. My husband has always showed me the love and caring that many women never experience. So after many years of not always getting what I want for my birthday, I have to stop and tell myself that he has given me gifts that are much more precious
    than diamonds. His unconditional love and support can't be bought in a store. I guess the moral to my story is, Husbands aren't perfect, but neither are wives. Love each other and things will work out. Oh yes, ask for money and shop for your own gift. It's not as romantic, but you get the gift you want. ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good advice! You are spot on that all that stuff is what is REALLY important.

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